I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
