he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
