I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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