just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
