You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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