Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
