too bad you live with your parents still
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
