he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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