Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
