Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
