I feel like I'm in dance class right now
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
