It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
