never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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