Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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