oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
