i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
