It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Randomize
