do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
