Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
