do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize