i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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