I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize