I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
