when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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