Banned from zoo.
Again?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
