Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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