East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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