you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
