How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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