It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
