You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
