I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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