We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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