I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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