He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
