hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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