doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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