It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize