He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
