Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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