Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize