My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
