Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
