mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize