i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize