Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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