I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
