so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
