I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
