i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
