having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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