You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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