Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
