YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
