I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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