Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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