I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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