sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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