so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
