um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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