Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
