I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
