So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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