I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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