and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
