After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize