Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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