DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
