Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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