I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize